Pub Jokes Collection - Rheena.com

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Pub Jokes Collection

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #91
    A well dress but obviously intoxicated gentleman stumbled up to a policeman at a busy downtown intersection and voiced a thick-tongued complaint. “Somebody stole my car, officer,” he announced groggily. “I had it right here on the tip of my ignition key.” “We’ll go right to the station and report it,” the cop replied, amused at the guy’s condition. “But I think you should zip up your fly up before we leave.” “Oh, my,” exclaimed the drunk, looking at his open barn door. “Somebody stole my girl, too!”
    Nikki

    Comment


    • #92
      This man walked out of the bar, very drunk. He decided he would walk home instead of drive. A policeman saw him walking so he pulled up on the side of him and asked, "What the hell are you doing?" The man looked at the policeman and said, "Going to a lecture." The policeman said, "Who is giving a lecture at this time of the night?" The man replied, "My wife."
      Nikki

      Comment


      • #93
        A drunk was walking along the river side and came upon a baptismal service. Curious, he walked up to see what was happening, and the preacher looked him up and down and said, "Son, I can see your life has been hard, and since you have come here I have to ask you one question. Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk got closer to the water and said, "Yes, I believe that I am ready" So the preacher dunked him under the water and pulled him back up, and asked, "Have you found Jesus yet?" The drunk thought a minute and said, "No, I can't say that I have." So the preacher smiled and dunked him again and held him for a little longer, then pulled him up and asked, "Have you found him now?" The drunk said "Nope, not yet." Not wanting a rumor to start saying that he couldn't save a man the preacher dunked him again and held him down for a full minute, then pulled him up and asked, "Surely you've found him now," right? The drunk, gasping for air, looked at the preacher and asked "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
        Nikki

        Comment


        • #94
          A guy who has already had quite a few beers enters an already very busy bar and says to the bartender, give me a beer, give everyone in the place a beer and have one yourself. The bartender serves everyone a beer and draws one for himself. He walks over to the benefactor, toasts him and asks for his money. The man tells him that ran out of money a long while back. The bartender physically ejects him from the bar and deposits him prone on the sidewalk. The man picks himself up and strodes back into bar. He crawls on a stool and says to the bartender "give me a beer and give everyone here a beer, but none for you, you get too mean when you drink".
          Nikki

          Comment


          • #95
            A gay guy walked into a bar and sat down to get a drink. A straight guy walks in and says to the bartender, “ I'm so thirsty, I could lick the sweat of a cows balls. The gay guy looks at the straight one and puts his pointer fingers straight up on his head and said, “moo, moo buckaroo”.
            Nikki

            Comment


            • #96
              A bunch of men are sitting around the bar when one man starts to boast about the size of his dick, other men start to get into the conversation and things get heated, when the bartender says "okay let's settle this right now, everyone whip them out." So each man whips it out on the bar when another man walks in. The bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" The man replies "No thanks. I'll just have the buffet."
              Nikki

              Comment


              • #97
                A woman sits down next to a cowboy in a saloon. She says, "Are you a REAL cowboy?" He replies, "Well, Mam, I brand calves, rope steers, mend fence, ride the range...think about cows a lot of the time...yep...I guess I'm a REAL cowboy."
                She says, "I'm a lesbian. I think about women all day, all evening, all the time...I think about making love with women."
                They sat there sipping their beers. Then, a man walked in and sat on the other side of the cowboy. He said, "Are you a REAL cowboy?" The cowboy responded, "Well, I THOUGHT I was...but I just found out that I'm really a lesbian."
                Nikki

                Comment


                • #98
                  Carl is talking to a girl in a New York City bar, he says, “Can I get you a drink?
                  The girl replies; “Certainly”
                  Carl asks: “What would you like?”
                  The girl says, “Champagne.”
                  Carl says “Why Champagne?”
                  The girl says, “Because when I drink champagne I imagine I am a goddess on the Nile, draped in a long robe, relaxing peacefully, with servants fanning me and dropping peeled grapes into my mouth.”
                  Curious Carl asks, “What if I just buy you a draft beer?”
                  The girl replies, “I’ll cut wet farts all night.”
                  Nikki

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    A bear walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a vodka and.......................Tonic.
                    The bartender said, "Sure but why the big pause?
                    the bear said "Oh I use my paws for catching fish with!!!!!
                    Nikki

                    Comment


                    • A guy walks into a bar and pulls out a tiny piano, along with a tiny little man who immediately starts to play. Another guy notices this and says, “Hey, what’s that?” “A 12- inch pianist.” The first guy says. “You see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, and I goy a 12-inch pianist.” “Can I try?” The second guy asks.
                      The first guy says okay, and a minute later a million ducks fill the room. “Ducks? I didn’t wish for a million ducks. I wished for a million bucks,” says the second guy.
                      “You think I really wished for a 12-inch pianist?” says the other.
                      Nikki

                      Comment


                      • Did you hear the one about the guy who rushed into the bar and told the bartender, The beers are on me!. "My wife ran away with my best friend." The bartender smiled and said, That's a shame, how come you aren't unhappy?" Hell no, I'm not unhappy," replied the guy, "They saved me a fortune....both of then were pregnant!"
                        Nikki

                        Comment

                        Working...
                        X